Personal Growth

How to spot a Narcissist?

Ok so I’m no psychologist, but I can compare someone else’s strange behavior to diagnostic criteria. However, as I was so intimately involved with this person I must take it at face value.

Well, my most recent relationship ended poorly.

Haha, no, no it did not. I got everything I wanted and more.

Fate has a strange way of stepping in my life and taking the shit out; every now and again.

Or does it haha the very suggestion of fate, with this entire blog, could suggest a cluster A personality disorder. I will explore that later on.

Ok so,

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

“Personality disorders are a group of conditions that affect people’s thoughts, behaviors and emotions in long-term negative patterns that occur in all areas of life.”

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may appear arrogant, with an inflated self-image and disregard for the feelings of others. This disorder can cause socially destructive behaviors that damage relationships.

NPD is part of the cluster of personality disorders with symptoms of intense and unstable emotions and a distorted self-image. It’s a rare disorder, affecting more men than women and is usually evident by early adulthood.

The nature of NPD symptoms means it’s hard for people who suffer from the disorder to realise they have a problem. When you believe you’re better than everyone else, why would you think there’s anything wrong? It is often the family or loved ones who are most aware of this problem and who also suffer the consequences.

However, if left untreated, NPD can affect a person’s work, social and family life. The state of someone’s relationships can be the biggest indicator. Psychotherapy can help people with NPD to understand themselves better, and relate to others more positively. With support and treatment, life can become more enjoyable for people with NPD and their loved ones.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can impact all areas of life, since symptoms are present during work and at home. It can be hard for others to tolerate the symptoms of NPD, which can mean the sufferer becomes isolated.

Key symptoms include:

  • Inability to listen to others

    She didn’t know or care about anything to do with me, I would tell her all the time how much i disliked the smell of poo, how much it upset me. She didn’t know anything about any of my interests.

  • Fantasising about power, beauty and success

    Refers to herself as a “Queen”, “Goddess”, “Fashion stylist” with no real idea of the skill or achievements required to use such words without looking like an idiot.

  • Exaggerating achievements and abilities
  • Superiority, specifically towards people perceived as ‘lower’ in status

    Well she managed to scare away three assistant managers

  • Lack of awareness regarding others

    She was the major cause of my anxiety and depression. I asked for help so many times. She just didn’t care.

  • Increased risk of using drugs and alcohol

    Haha she definately has a problem here, she would drink just as much as me and had been known to down a whole Maccas family meal to herself, ya four big burgers and four fries, you don’t get to 150kg without alot of food. Although after her surgery she couldn’t drink alcohol, and she couldn’t eat. But she kept up with her excessive expenditure on clothes, smoking marijuana and renewed her addiction to masturbating with people online. But she’s going to be able to drink to excess again soon

  • Social withdrawal

    This is just wierd i don’t get why but she prefers meaningless friendships with people online and people that believe her lies to meaningfull ones with close friends.

  • Inflated sense of entitlement

    She expected me to cook and clean and plan and pay for everything.

  • Obsession with class and status
  • Exploiting others for personal gain

    Men, specifically has only ever used men for sex and money. Refering to this disgusting behaviour as “Feminism”.

  • Lacking empathy, especially for perceived weaknesses

    No understanding of the hurt she caused me. Or her Ex

  • Strong desire for control over relationships

    Everytime I was happy, she would do something that really hurt me.

  • Envy for those perceived as being of a higher status
  • Inability to admit wrongdoing

    She couldn’t take responsibility for anything, nothing.. ever.

  • Distant, practical manner in regards to personal relationships

    Practical, no. Too covert for that. Black and White is how I would describe it.

  • Believing that others are envious of them

    I didn’t see much of this one

  • Severe anger if orders or directions are not followed by others

    She was angry all the time, I don’t really no what to say about that

  • Can ‘write off’ friends permanently over small or imagined issues

    Imagined somehow that me being upset about cat poo was abuse. And that my excessive drinking was somehow not related to her.

  • Great pride in the accomplishments of children or family
  • Expecting constant praise and recognition for achievements
  • Unrealistic goal setting

    Had no goals of her own. All of her goals are developed around what can get her the most attention at the time. Usually her current goals are orientated around enticing her new supply

  • Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships

    Had no healthy relationships

  • Feeling hurt and rejected easily.

    Courtesy of: www.mindhealthconnect.org.au

 

Histrionic Personality Disorder

Courtesy of: Mayo Clinic

  • Constantly seeking attention
  • Excessively emotional, dramatic or sexually provocative to gain attention
  • Speaks dramatically with strong opinions, but few facts or details to back them up
  • Easily influenced by others
  • Shallow, rapidly changing emotions
  • Excessive concern with physical appearance
  • Thinks relationships with others are closer than they really are

Ooo hard to say after reading that histrionic one, because on this forum the justification for cheating:

  • I like to make my fan club jealous of each other to prove that they love me and give me validation
  • I lie to avoid conflict
  • I go after people I can control
  • I have sex to feel good about myself
  • I get bored easily
  • I get SO mad when I get cheated on
  • I want them to fall in love with me

Ok, so we’ll look at some more specific narcissism stuff here. It hurts looking back on this to think the only good thing I can come up with out of the whole thing; is that it ended.

  • Constantly chatting up people
    • I knew the passwords to their email, Tumblr, Instagram, facebook, viber, and skype. I’d check up on them every few months. Without fail, there was always a sexually inappropriate conversation going on with an ex or a stranger. That hurt, a lot.
  • Doing things I specifically asked not to do; getting cats, playing with herself to get my attention, deliberately painful foreplay.
  • Disregard for how their actions affected me.
    • Buying a pool, ruining my $300 dollar lawn.
  • Saying horrible things about me behind my back
    • To her friends, to my sister.
  • Making up lies about me
    • Drinks every day, gets angry about silly little things all the time
  • Breaking promises
    • I was just telling you what you wanted to hear
  • Refusing basic requests
  • Please pick up your clothes, please pick up your shoes, Please pick up your cat’s poo.
  • Never did anything for me that didn’t also benefit them
  • Only ever cooked and did the washing.
  • Obsessed with makeup, clothing, social media to the point where nothing else was done around the house
  • Excessive need for attention
  • Lack of ability to plan
  • No responsibility
  • No remorse

Courtesy of: Mayo Clinic

The real tell-tale give away, was at the very end. When I was extremely upset, begging for a chance. It was met with a cold uncaring anger. Such that I had never seen from them before. More in-line with their true internal self.

 

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